Holiday Shopping

Hi kids.  The Head here.  The Head just wants to toss out some commentary towards shopping during the holiday season.

• Please don’t go out shopping with your entire extended family.  Really, just don’t.
• If you have young children, do your best not to bring them shopping in the last 2 weeks before Christmas.  If you have to, please leash them.  I’m dead serious.
• Also, if you need to bring a stroller, please select a nice compact one.  The Head is sick to death of those giant SUV style strollers that block entire rows.
• Walk at a reasonable pace.  Do not take a step every 2 seconds, looking in wonder at everything around you.
• Also, walk single file!!!  Rows are only so big, do not block them with your idiocy.
• Do not walk around the mall talking to someone using a blue tooth headpiece.  You luck shit faced insane.
• Also, do not use your cell phone at the cash with a long line, and then hold up your finger to the cashier, indicating you’ll just be a minute.
• Do say “Excuse me” when you bump into somebody.  It’s just polite.
• Don’t try to to push through me.  I’m bigger than you.  One of us is falling down, and it ain’t me.
• If I’m looking at something, don’t try and push into where I’m standing to look at the same item.  Not only is it rude, it’s now almost guaranteed that I’m not moving for 10 minutes.
• When looking for parking at the mall, try and drive sensibly.  I’m not just talking about avoiding accidents.  Don’t stop traffic to let off all 18 members of your family, who take their sweet ass time getting out.
• Also, park sensibly.  Parking is at a premium this time of year, and you are not magically entitled to more than 1 parking spot.
• Have a little respect at the food courts.  After you’re done eating, leave the table.  There are tons of people looking for a place to eat.  Don’t sit there for an hour after your meal is finished.
• Also, don’t sit there if you aren’t eating.  Seriously, go away.
• This is for the teenagers.  Don’t go around in a group acting tough, trying to impress your “bitches”.  I don’t have time for your little mating rituals.
• Also, get a haircut you little emo bitches.
• Finally, this is just a piece of advice: shop online.  This shit just ain’t worth it…