It’s election season!

Hi all!  Once again it is election season, for both Canadians and Americans.  I’m sure the whole world has been at least semi following the American presidential coverage, but I ask you, how many non-Canadians know that we here in Canada are gearing up for a Federal election?

The reason?  Canadian politics are as boring as a banana cream pie.  You sit there, wishing you had apple, cherry or even coconut, but at the end of the day, all you have is banana cream.

So I present to you…

The Head’s Top Ten Reasons Why the American Election is More Interesting Than the Canadian:

10) It’s been going on for over a year now!  In Canada it’s over in a month, but damn, you guys know how to milk them donkeys and elephants for all it’s worth!

9) The fact that… Holy shit!  A coloured dude!

8] Celebrity endorsements.  American celebs like George Clooney, Barbara Streisand, Oprah Winfrey and Jon Voight all chime in.  Canadian celebrity endorsements consist of Bob and Doug McKenzie getting drunk on stage while the politicians look on uncomfortably.

7) Vice President MILF.  Okay, so she seems to be as nutty as a fucking loon, but having VPilf in da hizhouse would make for a bitchin White House party.  Have her pole dance for the president of Russia, and things would smooth right over.

6) Stephen Colbert cares about your election.  That makes it funny.  Why?  Because Stephen Colbert actually sweats funny.

5) Americans are almost guaranteed a winner (2000 not withstanding).  Either Grand Master Obama or Chucky D McCain is gonna win.  In Canada we have 4 different candidates to work with, and are probably going to end up with a minority government.  What does that mean you ask?  It means we have elections every year for the rest of our lives.

4) American Presidential candidates are all very historic.  Look at who you have running!  The first potential black president, and the guy that invented the Blackberry (I guess he drove up to Canada to invent it).  You have the Terminator for a governor, a crazed gunman as the current Veep, and a former Miss Alaska running to be the new Veep.  Canada?  Middle Aged white men.  Lots of em.

3) For a second, a split second, I actually thought we could have had Vice President Samuel L. Jackson.  Why is it so hard to believe?  He’s been in *every* movie since the invention of silent film.  How awesome would it be to hear “We got to get these mother fucking tourists out of the mother fucking White House!”

2) We *almost* had Hilary!  Now don’t get me wrong, I think she’s an irritating shrew.  However, we coulda had Bill back in the White House, and think of the wacky shenanigans he could have pulled!  In Canada, a crazy day in politics is when one of our more radical representatives cuts the crust off his peanut butter sammich.

1) The sheer posibility that if Barack Obama wins, he’ll turn to the camera and say: “Awww shit, you fuckin’ crackers are in for it now!” And then Snoop Dogg shows up drinking from his golden chalice, and big booty dancers flood the screen, as the presidential envoy, complete with low rider limo, gets ready for a night of “biznitches”.