20 Things That Piss The Head Off

Here is a random sampling of things that piss The Head off.  Some are mild irritations, others are items that may end up with my fist in your chest.

No particular order by the way…

20. Wicker furniture.  Thanks, thanks a lot…  Way to buy furniture that is guaranteed to break if I sit in it.  Was cardborad not available?  Is the sturdiness of plastic, metal or wood  too much to handle?

19. Chester Cheetah.  It ain’t easy, bein’ cheesy?  Yes, actually it is.  Get over yourself!

18. People in pretentious cars that think that just because they have a fancy car they can do whatever they fucking well please on the road.  Newsflash, you may be an asshole, but I’m a dick.  Trying to cut me off will simply result in me riding the bumper of the guy in front of me.  Trying to sneak around traffic will result in me driving down the middle of 2 lanes to block you.  Your no better than me, wait in traffic like everyone else. 

17. Bicycles.  Here’s the thing.  You want to drive around in traffic on your bike, OBEY THE DAMN TRAFFIC LAWS!  Don’t weave around my car temtping fate.  Don’t take up an entire lane and slow the cars behind you to a crawl.  Remember, if there’s an accident, I ain’t the one that’s gonna be crushed.

16. People I don’t know that think they can touch me.  Unless you are an amazingly hot woman, please do not touch me.  I don’t care what your reasoning is, touching me without my permission is a really quick way to acquire a broken arm.

15. Not sending me dirty pictures of yourself when you clearly owe me them.  Not naming anyone in particular (cough *CL* cough).  Just sayin’.

14. Boxing.  You’re a boring version of MMA.  Sorry, but the truth hurts.

13. Leprechauns.  Listen you little bastard, I want the damn pot of gold.  What?  Look over there?  I don’t see any-  DAMMIT!  I always fall for that.

12. Internet fads that I just don’t understand.  Now, this may make no sense to you (count yourself lucky if this is the case), but things like Peanut butter Jelly Time, Badgers, the kid with the really deep voice, What what in the butt, Numa Numa, etc… baffle me.  Are they supposed to be funny?

11. The fact that half the Beetles are dead and one of them isn’t Ringo.

10. Intollerance.  I can’t stand people that don’t tolerate shit!

9. People that like fast zombies.  Fast zombies suck.  What’s the point of fast zombies?  They are pretty much just like regular people… that want to eat you.  There is nothing scary about fast zombies.  All the eeriness is gone.  Slow zombies are way better.

8. People in parking lots that either have no idea how to park, or intentionally take up more than one place.  I don’t care how fancy your ride is, you don’t get to have more than 1 spot.  No, I won’t key your car.  However, what I *will* do is travel back in time and make certain your parents have herpes.

7. Will Ferrel movies where Will Ferrel is the headliner.  The dude is really funny as the comic sidekick.  But as the star?  Have you seen Bewitched?

6. No smoking in bars.  No, I don’t smoke (other than the occasional cigar), but bars are supposed to be smokey!  Without the smoke I can smell everyone’s BO, and that girl at the ened of the bar that may have been an 8 in the smokey haze is quite clearly a 6 in a smoke free environment.

5. The lack of flying cars.  I swear, every future related tv show, cartoon or movie I saw as a kid promised us flying cars by now!

4. Homeless people who hold the door open for you at banks, expecting money.  I don’t know about you, but the lowest denomination I can withdraw from a bank machine is 20$.  If this homeless guy thinks that holding a door for 3 seconds is wirth 20 dollars, then he clearly is demonstrating a lack of knowledge towards out free market economy, and I am starting to see why he is homeless.

3. The guy that hears something funny (most likely on a tv show like Family Guy or South Park) and then repeats this funny thing constantly, at every opportunity, for the next 2 weeks.  We get it.  Shut up now.

2. When people don’t understand that I don’t like bacon.  I get the most baffled looks, usually followed up by questions about me being either Jewish or Muslim.  No, I am neither, I just don’t like bacon.  Sorry.

1. Blu-Ray.  Is there a difference between Blu-Ray and DVD?  I can’t see it.  Seriously, do we really need another format?  Really?